Tori P. / Adversity will sharpen you.
Some of my most defining and challenging experiences in the foster care system were that my caseworkers required my friends and their parents to do a background check, get fingerprints, have proof of driver's license, and insurance if I wanted to go to their house. The requirement was invasive and I didn't blame anyone for not wanting to do it, but because of it, I didn't have a lot of friends. I felt isolated often and struggled with depression
My mom was diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia, so whenever I spent time with her or spoke with her, I would experience the person I was supposed to be closest to talking down on me. I forgave her for the abuse and tried to grow close to her, but I felt at a loss oftentimes. On top of that, people in the community treated me differently and I knew it was because I was a foster kid. With the combination of these things, I felt very alone.
If I could give one piece of advice to someone in the system now, I would tell them adversity will sharpen you. Use those sharp edges to sharpen yourself and others, rather than cut people the way people cut you.
The foster care system taught me that in suffering we find glory. Though I don't believe everything in perspective, I think perspective has a large impact on how we move forward. If we look at suffering as a vision for our purpose, we gain a catalyst to succeed in our greatest passions. We can help others. We learn more about ourselves. We discover that we are capable of doing hard things.
The things we do don't have to be big and grand. Sometimes we need to buy a cookie for the one. Sometimes we need to compliment the person in the grocery store or leave a kind note for our waitress. We need to hug our kids and kiss our spouse. Most of our glory is not found on the stages or when everyone is watching. It is hidden in our rooms, during the times it is easiest for the trauma to show its face.
What I needed most when I was emancipating from the foster care system was people who believed in me and encouraged me. After you hear about the saddening statistics in foster care and the constant stereotypes are placed upon you as a foster youth, it only takes a few people to rally around and be constant in their encouragement for foster youth to question the negative. People who doubted my doubt, rather than doubting my good, despite the odds, is the only reason I am where I am today.
